The ‘Best’ of Boris

Is it any wonder that the Germans were laughing in disbelief at the news that Boris Johnson has landed one of the top jobs in the new Tory cabinet? Our new Foreign Secretary has a crucially important job to do in the coming years, but he has created an image of himself which may yet prove to be a fatal hindrance. The self promotion was a distraction with consequences, and frequent use of shabby epithets had a far wider audience with longer memories than he might now have wished for.

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All nations with a buffoon for a Foreign Secretary marked in red

Boris Johnson is the man who has been tasked with going out in to the post-Brexit world to forge new treaties, deals, and alliances. What a shame he didn’t have the first inkling of a plan for the future we are facing now that we find ourselves where he and his adoring fans have succeeded in taking us. We must hope his civil service minders prevent him doing his talking first, his thinking on the hoof, and winging-it every time he cant be bothered to do the detail.

All of the below is in the public domain and assumed to be true and accurate.

Boris Johnson on China, the worlds second largest economy
“Chinese cultural influence is virtually nil, and unlikely to increase…”

On Hilary Clinton, the likely next leader of the worlds most powerful nation …
“She’s got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital.”

On the guy we hope will come second to the woman above, Donald Trump…
‘The only reason I wouldn’t visit some parts of New York is the real risk of meeting Donald Trump.”

On Barack Obama, the current leader of the worlds most powerful nation…
“No one was sure whether the President had himself been involved in the decision. Some said it was a snub to Britain. Some said it was a symbol of the part-Kenyan President’s ancestral dislike of the British Empire — of which Churchill had been such a fervent defender.”

On the warmonger George W Bush, former leader of the worlds most powerful nation…
“A cross-eyed Texan warmonger.”

On the Nato ally and President of Turkey…
“A terrific wankerer”

On Commonwealth nation Papua New Guinea…
“For 10 years we in the Tory Party have become used to Papua New Guinea-style orgies of cannibalism and chief-killing.”

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All nations insulted (so far) by our Foreign Secretary marked in red

On Arnie…
“My speaking style was criticised by no less an authority than Arnold Schwarzenegger. It was a low moment, my friends, to have my rhetorical skills denounced by a monosyllabic Austrian cyborg.”

On the Queens commitment to her duty as head of Commonwealth…
“It is said that the Queen has come to love the Commonwealth, partly because it supplies her with regular cheering crowds of flag-waving piccaninnies”

On the genocidal dictator Bashar Al-Assad…
Hooray, I say. Bravo – and keep going.

On fostering racial harmony…
Orientals … have larger brains and higher IQ scores. Blacks are at the other pole.

On gender equality…
[Female students went to university because they] have got to find men to marry.

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